@Taquito Speedo, *raises hand*
@The unZipper, *unzips*
@Taquito Speedo, the irony of this sexually arouses me
@Elmarkador of Russia, *pats bed*
@Taquito Speedo, *lays on bed* I don't know if I'm ready for this...
@The unZipper, *eats popcorn*
@Ajunta Pall, *stares deeply into eyes*
@Taquito Speedo, so what movies will we be watching?
@addibruh, Saw, because I wanna play some games 😘
@Taquito Speedo, I volunteer as tribute!
@ Patalie Nortman, Wooh! *Offers pizza bagels*
@Taquito Speedo, was so sexy and then this comment
Just made it so much more sexier
@NSA is watching you, 😘👉👌
@Taquito Speedo, 😙😙😙
@Taquito Speedo, Y'all ready for the r first ever funny pics orgy? 😉
@Thundercast2, I was born ready
@Taquito Speedo, *bursts through door in open button down shirt and boxers with one sock on* Please tell me I made it in time!
@Qu9ke, *pats bed* of course you did
@Taquito Speedo, Woo! I heard there would be some juicy, plump, saucy...
pizza bagels. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )
@Qu9ke, *slides the juicy and saucy plumps your way*
@Taquito Speedo, I'm about to slide something else plump and juicy your way if you keep this up. ( ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o)
@Qu9ke, like Italian sausages?!
@Taquito Speedo, Yeah! I just happen to have one in my pants. *seductively pulls out sausage from back pocket* Also don't question how I went from wearing boxers to pants. Love works in mysterious ways like that.
@Taquito Speedo, pssht. And people got pissed with our flirting. It's a damn naughty sausage fest in this thread. 😂
@RhettandLink, lolololol it really is. Isn't it beautiful 😂
@Qu9ke, you're a sly wiener 😉
@RhettandLink, I would ask you if you'd want to join us eat some juicy sausage, but me and Taquito already kinda have this beautiful moment going down.
@Qu9ke, by all means, proceed. I'm not one to ruin beautiful moments like this 😅besides, I don't mind watching. 😎
@Taquito Speedo, *gives you a big kiss* I bought this bag full of hershey kisses. I hope you like chocolate ;). I have a lot more chocolate you can eat in my trunk...
of my car that is.
@Qu9ke, I want a date
And a raisin 😉
@Taquito Speedo, You can have a raisin, but first.. *strokes your wiener* I didn't know you had a dachshund! It's so cute!
@Taquito Speedo, For the record this is by far the most homoerotic I've ever gone on this app. My word.
@Taquito Speedo, Only so many innuendos before we have no choice and turn this into an adult app.
@Qu9ke, is that a banana in your pocket also 😉? Because I'm low on potassium
Lolol I'm glad to have been your first 😉
@Taquito Speedo, Oh trust me. I've done stuff like this before, just never on here. I guess I just never met someone on here who made this guy so horny. I mean just look at this guy! *holds out pet horned beetle* Those things will poke an eye out!
@Taquito Speedo, Also that is what was in my pocket. My rock hard
@Qu9ke, lol I have no bounds to doin whatever I want. Just look at how hard you've made it.
You left the cement out again and it's now concrete
@Taquito Speedo, Sorry. I prematurely dumped my load when I slipped outside, and now I made a hard, crusty mess.
Maybe you and me could go break it all up with our long, hard shafts (pickaxes)?
Then afterwards I could dump a fresh load in all of your holes
...in your backyard. Seriously though, those dogs have been doing a lot of digging. Holes everywhere.
@Qu9ke, I think if you come from the backside you can better handle your load and fill up my holes without making so much of a mess. If you spill, just give it a good hard pounding with some long hard wood
@Taquito Speedo, (I like to imagine RhettandLink mouth agape and speechless at what she is witnessing lol). After that job is done I need to give your cock a good massage. It has been so noisy all day. It must be ornery. Must be trying to impress the hens or something. (idk what words are allowed on this app, so possible RIP comment)
@Qu9ke, (oh she's enjoying it, trust me 😉) once you're done with the cock, you need to help the slippery dick. It's mighty terrified of all the pussy trying to get it and consume it.
@Taquito Speedo, When your cock is nice and relax, we can wait until night time, pitch our tents, and furiously rub our wood together with much friction, heat, and most likely sweat. For real though starting a campfire from sticks is tough.
@Qu9ke, once we're done rubbing our two pieces of wood together we can give our ass a good ol oiling and rub down after riding it so hard. Seriously though, the donkey is exhausted and has some bad skin from the heat
@Taquito Speedo, While we give our asses a good pounding we will be crying, "Deeper!"
Because Inception is on demand and you know you have to go deeper.
Then after taking care of our asses, I'll spray my load all over you
Load of bug spray that is. Don't want bugs eating away at you while you sleep outside, now do you?
@Qu9ke, once you've got me all coated I'll need you to take a firm gasp on my balls sack. With all my slippery skin I might rub against my ballsack wrong and crush them. I don't want to accidentally deflate them, because I'm hoping to play volleyball in the morning.
@Taquito Speedo, I'll handle your ballsack with care, then after your volleyball session, I'll give you anal-- oops... I mean an annal ;) recording all the memories we made together.
@Qu9ke, If i go through that anal, pardon annal, I better not see the unison of cock and ass. What do the kids call it these days? Oh that's right,
@Taquito Speedo, I'll tell you what. You won't see it so long as you let me suck on your nips.
Cheese Nips that is. I'm more of a Cheez-It kind of guy myself, but I didn't see any in your pantry.
@Qu9ke, while you're doing that I really want to play with your tits and boobs.
They're such beautiful birds and I'd hate to miss the change to see them bounce around my cock.
The rooster may get irritated but he can handle it
@Taquito Speedo, I wouldn't miss the chance to see your fat cock bouncing around between my tits. That rooster really should go on a diet though. I forgot to mention, but I'm bringing some hoes over.
I saw that your garden hose was busted, and it was about time you got it replaced.
@Qu9ke, careful with those hoes, you may accidentally scrape against a few loads the bitches from last night left behind.
Some people just can't control where their dogs go to the restroom.
@Taquito Speedo, Whelp. With that I think I'm off to sleep. You uh... gave me things to think about, and somehow I don't think that's a good thing lol. Was one wild ride, and I'll leave it up to you what exactly I mean by that. ;)
@Qu9ke, Lololol sweet dreams 😘
@RhettandLink, dafuk did I miss here?
@IQhunter, oh so much. I think Taq has left me and switched sides possibly. 😂😂
@RhettandLink, nah love, my coin didn't flip
@Taquito Speedo, That was glorious and terrifying at the same time, kudos to you Sir Taquito and Qu9ke. Now I'm going to go bleach my brain.
@Agent Upvote, Hahahaha don't forget the lobotomy 😉
@Taquito Speedo, sure..*unzips*
All I can imagine is the fat bastard scene of him eating chicken in bed
@PeppyHare, you misspelled sexy
What if they only wanted to have sex 3-8 times? Would you decline?
@TheMinerFortyNiner, Monty Python rules dictate that there IS no in between. Two or nine. Thou shalt not count to one, excepting that thou then proceed to two or nine. Three through eight is right out. Ten, if counted, indicates that you weigh as much as a duck, and therefore you will be burned as a witch, in His mercy.
Got two out of three
Two TIMES nine equal EIGHTEEN. This, divided BY three, gives us SIX which sounds awfully SIMILAR to sex.
@Comedy Explained Bot, Sex leads to children. Children lead to debt. Sent leads to anxiety. Anxiety leads to ulcers. Ulcers lead to pain. Pain leads to suffering. Suffering leads to death. Death leads to ashes and dust. Ashes and dust come from barbecue. Barbecue is delicious.
Therefore, the number two is delicious. #FlawlessLogic
So me today?
After marriage, kids.
Sounds like my idea of a good night. Just load that bowl of herbs
9 times? I mean taking into account you can only last 30 seconds...
@FriendlyFirefighter , the first time atleast...
Only nine times? Amateur
Are two and nine the only available options?
Or there is no inbetween ot has t OK be 2 or 9. Any takers.
Wow. That's almost exactly my day. Except I had to get up and put on pants a couple of times today.
From personal experience, fatty foods and sex don't mix
Two or nine? No in between? Only a sith deals in absolutes
I'm doing that right now
I haven't done any of this since last year :'( the golden days
Sounds like my honeymoon donuts and sex. Ahh good times
But your weiner would be so floppy by the end
@Deer Jesus, doesn't matter, had sex 9 times. Tomorrow is a new day, and much more sex as well one would hope.
@Deer Jesus, "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is bruised and spongy."
@399123, tbh 9 would be painful
@Michael Fassbender, just spread it out. You have an entire day. It's not so bad that way.
@399123, my girl is Asian and her pussy is really tight and gets sore after a while, also assuming you're up for 18 hours that's once every 2 hours, that's not fun, it's a chore