*pulls out a bottle of chloroform and a rag* "Oh geez it's gonna be one of those kind of days..."
@Good Guy Satan, but wait!! There's more!!! A dildo?!??!!
@Good Guy Satan, $10,000 in pesos, a pregnancy test, 14 guinea pig skins, and a coupon for 100 free tokens at Chuck E. Cheese's. WTF am I getting myself into today?!
@aminalFacks, prison. You're getting yourself into prison
@Thane of Deez, not before having the most whackiest adventure yet!
@Good Guy Satan, "naptime!" *uses it on myself*
@aminalFacks, “14 guinea pig skins”
All the other kids with their pumped up kicks
*pulls out an ordinary backpack*
Easy: I kill myself
@K1lgore, then I come along and take the backpack. Score!
Pulls out empty jar, tooth brush, large metallic marble and a prune juice.
"Well, at least it can't be worse than the time I pulled out a Hooters gift card and a gallon of chloroform"
There was a Twilight Zone episode similar to this. An old man who sold people little trinkets and it always happened to be exactly what they needed.
@tiburon, Season 1 Episode 12, "What You Need". Classic episode!
That would be amazing, but without the gun. If the gun must be included, I hope it’s one of those that shoots out a little banner that says “bang!” and my day includes a child’s birthday party or something.
@SchwiftyChick, nonono... why do you have to be weirded out by guns? It's for shooting through a tough window to save a dog that's trapped behind it.
@efil ym kcvF, ??? Oh my god I’m allowed to my like guns, because I’m a very gentle person and even hunting animals makes me uncomfortable. I didn’t say no one should use them! And I’m hoping you’re joking (thinking you must be) about the window thing. Because that would be unbelievably stupid.
@SchwiftyChick, yeah, don't worry. It was supposed to be a joke.
But seriously, I never want to shoot anything
@efil ym kcvF, Oh, thank goodness! I was so worried for a second! I’m glad you’re smart!
*Pulls out gunpowder*
Doesn't mean i have to use the stuff.