Quick kinda upsetting story: I'm a stripper.
Jk I just wanted your attention. I'm a male in my first year of college and right after we started my gf for almost 3 years and I broke up in beginning of August. It was mutual because we decided it was best we try and see other people to decide if we have true feelings for each other because this was our first serious relationship for both of us. Now it's October and I feel pathetic saying that I'm still hurting for her from time to time. I don't have anyone that I can talk to in front of me about it. We still talk to each other but what am I supposed to say? I can't tell her. And one of my closer friends is here with me but I don't want to burden her and have her think that I'm breaking slowly. I'm afraid it will compromise our friendship and I would just bring sadness into our friendship. I'm talking here because it's the first time I've been able to fully get it out, other than the short comic I drew a couple of posts ago.
@Shjtting Djcks, sorry for the long post.
@Shjtting Djcks, everyone has times of great stress in their lives and I understand about wanting to know if your emotions are true or just stuck in the first love experience. Do not feel you cannot talk to people on front of you. There are people in this world that can and do understand the exact feelings you are having. Bottling it up inside is not the way to go. It will just make you feel worse. Sometimes telling a stranger so they can give you an unbiased opinion is the way to go. Understand that you can connect with people. You are allowed. Have you asked her how she feels about the separation? Communication is important in friendships as well as relationships. Trust you know what you are feeling, and talk to someone. Even if it is just a guidance counselor at your college.
@Shjtting Djcks, your friend won’t think less of you, and it will help greatly talking with her.
It was your first serious relationship so of course it’s gonna hurt leaving it. But are you sure your ex doesn’t feel the same way?
My ex that I had been dating for over two years and was planning on proposing to ended things out of the blue. Depressed doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt, and the only reason I pulled through it by talking with people. It doesn’t have to be about the relationship or how you’re feeling. Just talk to people about whatever you feel like be it school or sports or dragons.
The way I got over mine is I made a tinder account, made it clear I wasn’t looking for anything in my bio and would have a conversation with anyone I matched with. People, especially girls, will understand that you will be hurting after a breakup and will want to help. If you’re uncomfortable doing that, join the community discord and/or the games. We are here to help, you’ll be fine
@Shjtting Djcks, you have one of two options here, maybe even both so let's say 3 options. 1. stick it out trust me nothing lasts forever feelings all the same. 2. Be honest about your feelings (really never hurts anyone but those who dont deserve them) 3. Be honest & stick it out, theres nothing wrong with telling anyone how you feel. Honesty strengthens good friendships integrity strengthens the soul
@Shjtting Djcks, yo bro don’t share your feelings with her. Keep them to yourself and act tough. In my experience, I get angry and aggressive after a breakup and I only end up making myself look like a fool, and I only notice it months after I’ve healed.
Freshman year in college is going to provide a LOT of opportunities to meet new girls. You gotta learn to love yourself first. It sounds stupid but that’s how you heal. Time alone to yourself can be an incredible gift if you know how to use it.
Learn more about yourself, love yourself - which will increase your confidence, and then take your new found confidence and identity and go date as many girls as possible.
Looking back you’ll appreciate the fact that she left you when you were so young. People don’t know who they are until 25-30 so spend the years until then messing around and figuring it out. That’s the fun part; and your ex just gave you the freedom you needed to do that
@Shjtting Djcks, first and foremost, your feelings are very valid, and it’s absolutely ok to feel them! Secondly, assumptions tend to keep us in places of anxiety and despair and make us “what if” ourselves to death. The questions you’re asking yourself about your friend and ex “will it compromise our relationship” “is she feeling the same, will she think I’m pathetic?” Are going to keep you stuck in a purgatory of your feelings. But it indicates you fundamentally don’t have enough information to move on to whatever the next step is in your emotions. My suggestion is you think very hard about what you want and why you want it, then make strides toward that goal(s). If you want freedom, figure out why, and take steps toward exploring that. If you want your ex, truly ask yourself why, then do that. Etc. You seem to just need more information and to assess your feelings from an analytical POV instead of simply being in your emotions. (Part 1)
@Shjtting Djcks, I will caution you, however, your analysis of if you truly want your ex may be affected by your feelings of loss, anxiety, loneliness, and not being accustomed to your new school environment, so be aware that you will need to dig deeper and ask yourself if your feelings for her have anything to do with those other emotions you’re experiencing, or if it truly is that you want her back. (Part 2)
@aervin85, by far the best advice I've received on it. Thank you so much, sir or ma'am. This is very helpful to me
@Shjtting Djcks, have you tried actually dating other women? Or did you "decide to see other people" at her suggestion because she really wanted to be single in college? I won't sugar coat this: if it was truly mutual, and you tried dating or even sleep with other girls and don't feel the same as you do towards her, tell her. She's either had the same experience or is enjoying being "free to experience college". Either way, 1 of 2 outcomes: you get your girl back or you don't, add a new tough layer of rage to your manliness and go meet someone new and have fun in college.
@Drunk Pantless Uncle, it was more of an at her suggestion but I'm fully on board with it. I haven't dated anyone else but I've found interest, just haven't acted on it yet.
@Shjtting Djcks, has she dated other guys? That your aware of?
@Drunk Pantless Uncle, she hasn't
Is this a new animated Beetlejuice?