My wife trying to get some of that
d!ck. I was a terrible husband.
@Child Slapper, You ok bro? Anything you wanna go into?
@Child Slapper, well at least your children will learn to listen to you
@Child Slapper, if you didn’t want sex, you shouldn’t have to give it up just cuz a woman wants it.
@Chifilo, 1 billion what this guy said. Yeah theres sexual expectations, but not obligations. That's r4pe 😓
@onetoendall, yeah, I fell in love with my wife’s sister. I pictured her when having sex with my wife. Then I gained weight and was too exhausted from sex, so I would just masturbate to my sister-in-law’s nudes. Then I wouldn’t give it too my wife. I was horrible and disgusting.
But I came forward with the truth. I turned in the photos so I could get help. I turned away from my evil decisions, and apologized to the whole family. They forgave me. I was still allowed at gatherings. Still with my wife. But she was under 18. I was caught up in legal issues for possessing the photos in the first place. I spiraled into depression, gained more weight, turned to porn to feel better and let down my wife some more.
I got convicted and spent 6 months in county jail, registered as an offender, but no probation. I ended up very lucky. My time in jail grew me to be a better man. I grew closer to my God who I had forsaken in fear and anger.
@onetoendall, but when I got out, my wife had left me. Took my bed, car, everything that was hers. After spending 9 months telling me we were going to be ok, and stopping me from suicide, reminding me God forgives and I’m forgiven. Then she changed her mind. Decided she liked spending time with her family better and I’m just a worthless scumbag who will go back to flirting with teenagers and can’t hold a job now with a record.
And she’s probably right. Though I’m in counseling, pornography is an addiction, and I find myself at church events accidentally talking to pretty teenage girls without even realizing it. I’ve been hired at 10-15 jobs, even when I tell them about my record, and they tell me it’s ok. Then they change their minds right before the first day. I tried Taco Bell a week after jail, got put on drive thru because covid, had panic attacks due to PTSD in jail because in that place they call every person with a sex case child molester.
@onetoendall, I tried a bakery factory, but raw dough makes me nauseous and I also couldn’t handle my emotions right and was crying on the job and failed.
So my wife is turning out to be right. I am struggling with girls/women(I like older women, too, of course) and I’m still jobless and living with a friend who’s parents are my saving grace and took me in. But only till September.
And the worst part of it all, my wife had come to me, saying she still loved me and wanted to be with me. We were close and I thought she was coming back. So we slept together, then she admitted she was using me for my awesome sex skills. She had to work at my apartment during covid and woke me up in the morning for sex before work and after work. I was desperate for her love; I couldn’t resist.
And she got pregnant. And now she believes that I lack control. I’ve always been emotional. She believes I will hit her in anger (I have never done so our entire marriage. I have yelled; so has she).
@onetoendall, She believes I would hit our child. And she believes if it’s a girl I couldn’t really be a good father and I’m so perverted that I would molest her, like she was molested by several family members when she was little (which she has done nothing about and refuses counseling and LIVES with one of them now). She won’t see clearly and her brainwashing family is telling her I’m hopeless and she should stay; it’s easier and they’ll pay for everything.
I am on my Adderall consistently for the first time in my life. I am doing well. My emotions are under control. I am starting Doordash, have interviews for pizza delivery, and waiter jobs. I have been going to multiple counseling sessions, have a new, strong, loving church family, and have victorious male mentors. I am intentional and do my best. I want to be a great father. But she’s delusional and has created all these what-ifs about me that are risky to her.
@onetoendall, I love her. I love our baby. I would die for them. I would do anything in the world to be a true man. She still loves me! I’m the one she calls for support, still her best friend, and we had intimate, beautiful sex yesterday! She thinks she’s ugly and gross at 4 months pregnant, but she’s the most beautiful woman I could ever know. I’ve spent this past year focused on loving and appreciating her and the results are showing! But she won’t stay my wife and she won’t let me father our child! In couple’s counseling, she quit after the second session when they said “both of you must be willing to change your hearts for each other”. And she said that “he’s the problem, not me”. Even her own Pastor is getting concerned that she is ignoring reality when I spoke with him today.
@onetoendall, I love her to death. Despite all of this, she’s a great woman with lots of caring love for family. I know she will love my child, and she really is my best friend, too. But she is being manipulated by her controlling family and her hormones are an excuse to be angry at me when I bring up my concerns.
It would be so easy to move on; find a new woman and get over my emotions. Start a new family. Pretend she and my child doesn’t exist. That’s why I know it’s WRONG. Because a real man fights for his wife and his child!! It sickens me to my core that she thinks I could ever molest a child, or intentionally bring her or my child harm! That is awful! That is not me! Everyone I know is sooo confused because I’m a sweet man who loves people and is kind! And it’s true!! It’s not fake!
I was raised by a mom and grandma and with sisters, and in counseling, I’ve discovered I idolize woman. Worship them. Obsessed with hearing girls’ moans of pleasure. But I am working on it.
@onetoendall, I am so full of love and I am working so hard to change my ways and be a real man. I am doing my best. My soul is spread thin. All I feel is hurt. I smile, but my new church family can see the pain in my eyes. They always know when I need a hug or just to talk. I love them and it is so wonderful. But the answer is always the same. “I can’t give up. This pain I’m feeling is making me stronger. One day, I will be so strong, grown, and can help others who suffered the same way as me.” And I get that. I know that’s the truth.
But it FVCKING HURTS!!!!!!
I am dying inside. I’m so suicidal but I must be there for my baby. I hate the meds: I’m not me anymore, but my emotions are numbed and I stay focused. I hate this life. I hate what I’ve done. I hate that I’ve hurt so many. And I can’t take it. Guilt, shame, pain, helplessness, failure. Constant feeling of my heart splitting because love is who I am. What have I done? What have I become?
@onetoendall, I am barely holding on to this world, and she’s the only one that really knows that. She wants to call for help, but I’ve assured her that I will lie to no end to assure them I am better and it won’t matter one bit and it will make things worse and I know it’ll be used against me to keep me away from my baby. I am opening up to older, wiser men and they are helping me to see new things. I will get there. I will live on. I will be okay. My wife and child will be okay. I will be a great father one day. No one will stop me. Not even myself.
My family is states away, and they love me and mean well, but they can’t help me. Sometimes they help with the pain, but to save my marriage and mental health of my child, I must stay here and fight. Living alone. Lost in my own room. Sitting in the same spot for hours replaying the past and imagining life with different decisions.
This life is brutal and daydreams of sweet release are like a splash of cold water in this HELL I created
@Child Slapper, Wow. Man, I don't know where to start. First, know that Jesus loves you and will take you through any pain, regret, guilt you have. Know that God has a plan through all this. And know that from how you've opened up on here, I'll be praying for you. If you need someone to talk to, message me on discord: onetoendall#0221
Me trying to find love like:
Me trying to figure out what my girlfriend means by we're taking a break and might get back together but might not
I’m gonna say it.. Edge isn’t actually that bad now... (don’t hit me)
@Blaylock1978, it’s based on Chromium now, so from a technical perspective you are correct
@Blaylock1978, back when they were developing their own engine it was crazy fast and efficient. Unfortunately, websites only optimized themselves for chrome so edge ended up spending most of it development tweaking thing to work with chrome standards rather than actually making the browser better.
The problem is chrome is like everything else from google: a highly polish turd. Might look nice at first but you’ll never get past the fact that it’s shït.
That flicker is invasive as hell! I need to uninstall it, but too lazy...
“Sir, there’s a sign in the park that says don’t drink the sprinkler water, so I made some tea with it and now I have an infection.”