“Scully, is Kelly your wife or your dog?”
@Ryanmg2, how could you ask me that?!
@Ryanmg2, "What my wife and I do after 7pm on weekends and federal holidays is our business"
@Ryanmg2, "Well John, she is a real bitch."
@Ryanmg2, “I still don’t know”
Timmy got sick after licking peanut butter off my balls, last night.
@A Deformed Penis, my dogs name is actually Timmy lol people think it's a weird name for a dog
@A Deformed Penis, I rushed to the comments to say this exact thing, well not exactly but similar, and you beat me to it. Lol youre the bees knees in my book
@A Deformed Penis, 😂
"I always wake up to Chelsea's butt in my face"
Gregory likes to run around the neighborhood naked (no collar) and poop on everyone’s lawns.
I sometimes tell people Theo is a huge slut and forget they don’t know my dog, Theo, who will do nearly anything to get pets even when you’re actively petting him
My dog is a Pomeranian named Kevin. It’s very fun.
Bob pooped on the living room carpet again and he won't stop drinking from the toilet
Catherine keeps sitting on my face when I'm asleep. It startled me at first but I'm used to it now.
Dogs shouldn't eat raisins anyways. Not as bad as grapes, but still not the best plan.
Yes please add. I need excuses off for Brian
I knew my pet John Cena just like my dad who disappeared
Clyde bit the neighbors kid again.