Not relevant to the picture, but this January marks the three year mark of my father leaving us. Long story short, he grew up in Mao's China, and was literally dirt poor. His house was four rooms that looked more like a shack than an actual house. There was no running water, bathrooms, electricity, not even a floor. Just the ground that it was built over. His father was extremely abusive. He once had a dream where one of his soms talked back to him or had eaten more food than was his, so when he woke up and couldn't find that son, he beat another one of his kids. Another time he cooked the family dog for dinner and didn't tell anyone until after everyone ate it. My father never got an apology for any of the abuse. When his father died he got into religion. Really into religion. The unhealthy amount. He wound up joining a cult. He slept around behind my mother's back for two years believing that he could have a "magic baby".
The priestess that he was sleeping with told him that the baby would "fix Heaven and turn him into a god". I wish I was joking. His excuses were that we never cooked for him, never asked what he wanted, and never loved him. One, whenever we did cook for him, he'd tell us not to. Two, whenever we asked what he wanted, he'd tell us some version of "whatever you guys want". Three, of course we loved him. My mother loved him enough to marry him. My brothers and I looked up to him as a father.
He tried to blame us for that and then tried to get us to join his cult. We all refused to join it and he has since cut off all contact with us. My youngest brother said he felt hollow after he left. My other brother seems to be internalizing everything since he doesn't seem too affected. My mother aged five years due to the stress. I've been battling feelings of inadequacy due to it. Add to that the depression I've been dealing with all my life means that I'm not in the best place right now.
I just want to hear that we will get through this. I've been on this site for years and you all seem like really nice people. I also wanted to talk about it for my own mental health.
@DistractedDingo, that is quite a lot man. Just take it slow, you’ll make it
@DistractedDingo, you will get through this
@DistractedDingo, what you want to hear is true, you will get through it. I don’t know if I can convey online how important it is to not give up, but I will try. Understanding ones own mental health is tough, but it’s not impossible, you already have the tools you need to succeed.
@DistractedDingo, I'm sorry that you're going through this. Sounds like your father was already having difficulty coping with his own internalized suffering, and cults unfortunately are very good at playing on individuals' egos. It doesn't excuse his actions, I hope he resolves whatever is going on with him and apologizes for what he's done. Know that it isn't your fault, nor is it the fault of any of your family members. You didn't deserve to have this happen to you and you don't deserve to go through this. You aren't responsible for your father's suffering, and you aren't responsible for his healing. Your father needed help and found it in the wrong place. Might not mean much coming from a stranger, but I genuinely believe that you will be okay. Even with the pain that you feel now, you will endure, you will overcome, and you will emerge. You might come out stronger, you might come out dented, but you will come out of this, and you will move on.
@DistractedDingo, youll be ok man! Just remember your support system. You never need to go through things alone and sometimes all it takes is some funny pics. You control your mental health even when it doesnt seem like you have any control over your negative thoughts. So stay positive! All hurt eases with time and you never know some of the wonderful things you may know because of rough situations.
@DistractedDingo, I think he tried his best not to physically abuse you he might not have realized he did so emotionally. In the end he hurt you like his father hurt him. The question you need to ask yourself is, whether you can forgive him for it….and whether that forgiveness if you do warrants a second chance. He hurt you. Your brother that you think is internalizing needs a shoulder too. And remember, pillars still stand when they are leaned into each other.
@Cloverleaf, I can forgive him for hurting me. But I'm still not sure if I can forgive him for hurting the rest of my family. I understand that he was going through a mental break and that he was looking for someone to help him, but we could have helped at least a little. We would have done our best to make him happy. He could have at least talked to us before leaving. He left some letters behind for each of us. The messed up part is that in the letter to our cat (seriously), he said that he looked for him. Not the rest of us, but the cat. He didn't allow us to have closure by letting us tell him how we felt but looked for the cat to say goodbye to. I think he couldn't stand to own up to what he was doing, but still. This whole thing gave me trust issues with people and religion. I don't believe that being religious makes you a bad person, far from it, but still.
@DistractedDingo, my friend who is currently a Heroin addict did the same things to me your father is doing to you. He did them in 2018 and he went to jail and got clean. Then he marries a woman with 3 children already and hardly speaks English. So with that mess he started using again. I told him that his 2018 tactics are not gonna work with me anymore. So he developed even more manipulative tactics. He was supposed to go to rehab and told everyone he would. Now I have his wife texting me pictures and videos of him going crazy in the street while her 3 kids are watching all of this. He’s not going to change. I can forgive him. But he is no longer allowed in my home. If he gets clean and wants to “hang out” it’s gonna be in public now. No more money and no more rides. But I made sure I told him that before I left him to his truck to go to rehab. He knows this. If he tries I will repeat what I told him last. I love him. But I can’t let someone drag me down. A true friend wouldn’t.
@DistractedDingo, I will never forget before he became an addict he was always there for me. One of the nicest guys I knew. Super smart. Funny as hell. Super driven. And he still is all that. Just add manipulation and deception just for one more hit of heroin.
@DistractedDingo, anyways. You do what you have to do in the end for yourself. Your job is not to take care of him. That’s his job. He’s supposed to be the one that asks what you want and if he is financial capable he should. Without asking for anything in return but your company. So that he can guide you. He’s supposed to take care of you. You’re not supposed to take care of him except hugs and that’s it. You can work together and build something together. Like a business or a home. Anyways, good luck.
@MrTrivia, thanks. I've always been too hard on myself. It helps to hear that. Thank you and to everyone else who gave their support. I hope everything on your end gets better.
Prepare yourself, my friends, for the update ahead is adorned with traps. Keep your wits about you and trust no one. See you on the other side, comrades.
Edit: it's worse than I thought. The traps are from the ancient times. Back from the BEFORE *shudders.* May Jinzo guide you
What would the goal be though?
@Runnin with scissors, the goal is to run to the other side before it drops down on you. If it does, in a death game it could be electrocutive on all the parts the outer ring doesn’t touch
@Cloverleaf, ok that's pretty good, but as a person on the outside you could prevent that from happening.
@Runnin with scissors, yes, nothing in any of the games necessarily prevented teamwork. Could be that they keep going until everyone has made a run. And dead bodies aren’t collected until after
@Cloverleaf, fair enough. I guess I'm not that creative but i still think there are more defined kids games that would work.
My mind just goes right to Tiny Tom Cruise