i just wanna know what the other half of dan wrote
that last one got me
Do you think if Halfdan hangs out with another guy named Halfdan then people just refer to the two as Dan?
@SimonPetrikov, can I call them halfwits?
@SimonPetrikov, you know what, thats more creative than what i came up with in the description, nice
I drew a dick on my friends forehead once. Do you think that’ll become a historical artifact one day?
@Fuggles, well you'd have to chop off his head and preserve it in amber or something but basically yes, the answer is yes.
@Fuggles, sounds like that dialogue from Indiana Jones and raiders of the lost arc
@megamanx181x, It belongs in a museum!
@Captain Ditship, so do you!!
@megamanx181x, "I love the young people"
@Fuggles, lock him in your wall for a few centuries and it will be. Just make you seal it tightly, otherwise it’ll just end up as Exhibit A.
@I Are Lebo, So if the murderer and family are still alive when the body is found it's a crime. If it's after they have all died away it's historic?
@Dephenistrator, now you’re getting it!
Muslim slaves during the crusades would draw murals that said "Allah is the true god"
@PoliticalOtters, what!!!?! Other people had slaves besides the US? Impossible!!!!
- everyone ignorant of history
@Dephenistrator, fun fact: Europeans never went deep into Africa to extract slaves. Other Africans captured other tribes and brought them to the coast to trade for guns
@PoliticalOtters, I remember that! Most of the slaves from the slave trade were enslaved by Africans and then sold to other countries, usually of rival tribes. The Muslims had a huge trade with them like you said long before the US got involved. A couple hundred years amd a few million lies later it's, hate whites who's grandparents weren't even alive before it ended. Lovely what misinformation and uncontrollable emotions make terrible people do.
@Dephenistrator, well the Muslim slaves were slaves to Christian crusaders, but every individual is responsible for their own actions and if their ancestors have done wrong then the best we can ask for is that they remember and teach that to the next generation.
@PoliticalOtters, exactly, no one should do these again and neither should anyone seek to punish people in modern day over it
@PoliticalOtters, sorry, got a little ranty there. I noticed i do that more when I'm at work
@Dephenistrator, fake news. Everyone knows that white US republicans were the only ones to ever have slaves
@Dephenistrator, the only thing that changed was how slavery was incorporated in society. In Africa children were raised as part of the tribe (mostly) so the slavery was not for all future generations. But they’d also use them as fodder in future battles so there weren’t that many future generations to worry about.
@Dephenistrator, you’re at work so I don’t blame you ;)
@Richard Cypher, that’s even funnier considering it was the Democrats that ruled the slave trade.
*Sir Hammerlock voice* Revisionist history, ho!
@I Are Lebo, holy crap, i am currently replaying borderlands 2 to teach my dad gaming on his semi old comp. I love the dialogue in this game, it's gold
@Dephenistrator, definitely the funniest, best scripted game I’ve ever played. Portal 2 is a close second, mostly because there’s so much fewer characters and therefore much less dialogue.
@I Are Lebo, double yes!
Torgue: "THAT SENTENCE HAD TOO MANY SYLLABLES IN IT. APOLOGIZE!
glaDOS: Literally turns into a potato computer.
Both games can be good just for their dialogue alone, but they are good for alot of reasons besides buttstallion. And the list of dbz voice actors in borderlands is pretty cool.
@Dephenistrator, let’s have a double game quote duel!
“Do you see the portal gun? Also, are you alive? Bit important, probably should’ve asked that first.”
“Apologies, but when Claptrap speaks I feel my brain cells committing suicide.”
@I Are Lebo,
"Now don't be alarmed, you might have some minor serious brain damage"
Sir Hammerlock: (all defiant) Bonerfarts! that's right, we are calling them bonerfarts now! (Moments later, all depressed) "My publisher says we can't call them Bonerfarts...."
@Dephenistrator, “aww, man. I’ve always wanted to do this... CATCH A RIIIIIIIIIDE!”
“You know what else is down in that pit? It’s your parents!”
@I Are Lebo,
Salvador after moxxi asks if there is a mrs.Vault hunter "have you seen me? I look like a fist with hair."
"All these Science Spheres are made of asbestos by the way, keeps out the rats."
“Isn’t that kind of, I dunno.... racist?”
“HEY SALVADOR! IS IT COOL THAT ALL THE DWARFS IN MY GAME LOOK LIKE YOU?”
“That is awesome!”
“Yeah, he’s cool with it.”
“The eggheads are telling me I should probably stop making these prerecorded messages. Which gives me a great idea! Make more prerecorded messages! I write the checks, I’ll do what I want.”
@I Are Lebo,
Hammerlock: "would you like to do battle with a midget riding piggyback on a bullymong? If the answer is yes please go to the southern shelf. If the answer is no you are sad and I have no desire to speak with you further."
Eyebot thing: "Space! Gotta go to space! need to go to space! Have to be in space!"
@Dephenistrator, “before I met you, I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. It was a pretty good life. Then you showed up. You dangerous, mute, lunatic.”
“MINION! I’ve got my eyesight back! And you’re far uglier than I remembered!”
@I Are Lebo, "you will be baked. Then there will be cake."
Loader Robots: "First law disabled. Executing execution.exe"
@Dephenistrator, “can you tell me your name? .....okay, now what you’re doing there is jumping. Can you say apple? Aaaaaapple? ......you know what, close enough.”
“Wake me up when I’m not on Pandora anymore.”
@I Are Lebo, Glados: "as a computer I try to find the easiest way to solve a problem. Killing you is hard, letting you go is easy. Don't come back."
Scooter: "Earl is kinda crazy though. He ate my car once. The whole car... like with a fork."
"When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!"
“so there I was working, and I sliced my arm on some sheet metal. Blood starts pouring out everywhere. I get this idea, and slice it the rest of the way off. And my dad is all like 'bleurghh'. Several hours and a few pints later and I have a mechanical arm capable of punching through solid concrete!”
@I Are Lebo, [I can't believe i didn't use that one! I own an aperture lemon grenade mug myself that I see every day!!!]
Glados: "It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been very busy being dead. You know, after you murdered me!" (Crushes Wheatley)
"Look. We both said a lot of things that YOU'RE going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster."
Can i just add the whole scene where you bitchslap copyright friendly jauffrey here? It was impeccable and i don't remember the quotes.
@Dephenistrator, it was too obvious.
“I punch him!”
“What?! Brick! No!”
“I won the roll. I get to choose. I punch him.”
“You’re gonna screw everything up!”
“Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.”
And yeah, that scene was great. Few characters have garnered as much hatred, and even fewer as deserved as Geoffrey Lannister. That moment in the DLC was epic.
@Dephenistrator, this is making me want to replay portal 2. Good thing I still own it.
@I Are Lebo, portal two was amazing, and i think people still mod new tests into the game. Back in the day I bought the orange box just for the first portal. Didn't play the other games on it until a year later. That was also what reeled me into steam.
Glados: These bridges are made of natural light i beam in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire so don't actually do that."
"See, this is what I don't get about you bad guys. You know the hero's gonna win, but you never just die quickly. Man this one guy in New Haven, right? City's burning, people dying, blah blah blah. This guy rushes me with a spoon. A fricking spoon. And I'm just laughing. So I scoop out his eyeballs with it, and his kids are all, "aghhhhh!,” and, ah...you had to be there. Anyway, the moral is, you're a bitch."
@Dephenistrator, “the first commercial flight took place in 1914. Everyone involved screamed the entire way.”
“I’M THE CONDUCTOR OF THE POOP TRAIN!”
@I Are Lebo,
*the playful sound the turrets make when they fall over shooting and then say they are going to sleep.
Torgue executive "you know why we made it invincible? So you could be the one to kill it with our newest gun model, you would be a hero!"
Mr.Torgue: "WHY BE A HERO, WHEN YOU CAN EAT ONE!"
executive: "See what kind of idiot your listening to vault hunter? Torgue did invent explosive guns, but then he sold us the company for $12 and a high five!"
@Dephenistrator, “10! 9! 8! ..... I got bored.”
“Dad! I’m going to space!” “I’m proud of you, son.” “Dad, are you space?” “Yes, son. Now we are a family again.”
@I Are Lebo, The symptoms most commonly produced by Enrichment Center testing are superstition, perceiving inanimate objects as alive, and hallucinations. The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak.
Claptrap: "I'm gonna defeat handsome jack, nothing can stop me!" (Turns corner) "Oh no, stairs! My only weakness!"
@Dephenistrator, that’s technically cheating. That’s from Portal 1. I’ll allow it..... THIS time!
“Bean counters told me I couldn’t fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway! Ramps are expensive!”
“Thank you for shopping at Marcus Munitions! If you shop anywhere else, I’ll have you killed!”
By the way, I just played through Portal 2 again. Memory was better than reality, but that’s always how it is.
@I Are Lebo, I knew I would screw up with portal. I'm playing borderland as we speak, but haven't played portal since i beat portal 2 about four times on release.
Potato glados: "Bird, bird! Kill it! It's evil. It flew off! Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking."
Handsome Jack: (talking about bringing in fake sirens) "I have to admit the first couple dozen times someone brought in a random dead chick with fake tattoos drawn all over them it was pretty funny. But now my office smells like marker fumes and dead people so quit it!"
@I Are Lebo, i want to again i am holding off for teaching my wife how to game. She is slowly coming around to agreeing to learn
@Dephenistrator, I got a lot of the Portal ones slightly wrong, but I’m amazed how many of the Borderlands ones I know I got right, considering it’s been a couple years since I’ve played it.
“Holmes versus Moriarity... Machiavelli versus MASHY SPIKE PLATE!”
“Dad? You’re an asshole.”
@I Are Lebo, I would have guessed you played it recently by the quotes. Not years ago.
Wheatley: "Ah! I'm not supposed to turn on tbe flash light or else they said I would die. Why did they give me all this stuff I would die using?!"
Torgue: "WELCOME TO THE BADASS CRATER OF BADASSITUDE! BEFORE WE GET STARTER, YOU HAVE TO SIGN A LEGAL WAIVER."
(Electronic waiver machine blows up) Torgue: "JUST KIDDING! F*CK THE WAIVER, YOUR IN TORGUE LAND NOW BITCH!"
@Dephenistrator, I’ve put many hours into Borderlands 2. Great game.
“Deploying surprise in 3... 2... 1... (lights click on to show an empty room) I made it all up. (Tweeter blows and confetti falls) surprise!”
“If it makes you feel any better, your birth parents abandoned you at birth and so wouldn’t have wanted to see you anyway.”
“Hehe. You know what’s better than not being stuck under the thumb of a megalomaniacal psychopathic overlord? NOT being a woman! Haha!”
“Oh my God, Dave, shut up!”
@I Are Lebo, i am playing it again to teach my dad how to game. He is handling the fighting but struggling with menus and changing weapons. He had a full inventory so he sold everything. EVERYTHING! then I was unable to instruct him to buy his guns back. -_-
Glados: "Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that."
Digistruct machine after respawning: "We recommend taking a few deep breaths before swearing revenge on whatever killed you."
@Dephenistrator, this is starting to get tough, lol. So many great quotes, but a lot of them are hard to recall accurately.
“All right, lets try things HER way. Fatty! Fatty fatty no parents!”
“You deluded bandit! When Hyperion gets here they’re going to burn this dump to the ground. They’ll kill every man woman and child if you-“
“What was that? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of your arm breaking!”
@I Are Lebo, yeah, it's taking me forever to remember another portal one. I might be about out of them.
Glados: "Good Job. Here come your test results. You are a horrible person. That's exactly what it says. a horrible person. We weren't even testing for that."
Torgue: DID YOU KNOW 97% OF LIVING THINGS ON PANDORA AREN'T EXPLODING RIGHT NOW? THAT'S BULLSH*T! BUY TORGUE!!!!!
I'm playing torgue's campaign of carnage today.
@Dephenistrator, I liked that one, but the DnD one is my favourite. Whose your main? Mines Gaige.
“Welcome to Aperture Science! You’re here because we need the best, and that’s you. Nope, sorry, couldn’t keep a straight face on that one.”
“Around and round the stactus plant, the stalker chased the bandit! The stalker thought t’was all in fun... POP goes the bandit!”
Tiny Tina’s the best. 🤪
@I Are Lebo, yeah the dnd was my favorite to. I liked the winter headhunter one to. Both were very out of place for the game but i liked that. I have played as every character but the gunzerker and the psycho so I am playing as the gunzerker this time but i love the two summoners: axton and gaige. Partly because i mostly play solo and it adds a tremendous boost to not be the sole target on the map. Tina's hilarious, I love Torgue to (can't watch hercule without thinking about him now) claptrap and sir hammerlock. Though everyone has their moments. I am under the same name on steam btw.
The scene where Wheatley makes you do a test and is so excited he makes you do it again. (I don't remember the words at all)
Girlfriend bot: "If you take my wig I will lose my friendly fire protocols and would most certainly die. You don't really need my wig do you? Sure there would be a sidequest always hanging around in your menu but that's not so bad.... right?"
Vikings are great
It’s funny because of the F word.
@MrSparkle, which fúcking word is that?