Herbert the Pervert
I organized a threesome last night. There were a couple of no-shows, but I still had a good time
@I shjt you not, I don't know if I enjoy that tiger meme or not.
@I shjt you not, at least you came and that's all that matters
@I Punt Pugs, you lost me. Help.
@I shjt you not, that joke was on here a while ago as a tasteless tiger meme.
@I Punt Pugs, oh, did not know that. Sorry
I feel like the uploaders username is trying to tell me something...
@Drakes Tears, that my left testicle can get itself off?
@Drakes Tears, *looks down* Oh god its gone!
@Drakes Tears, I'm just sat here laughing my ass off.
#SWAT, I'm sure you'd look handsome in a ski mask, so don't forget to wear it when you break into my place
@Metzger, I'll be sure to wear the mask. Then I'll have to tie you up so you can't escape.
@SWAT, ...you'll have to catch me first! *runs into other room & hides under bed*
@Metzger, come out, come out, wherever you are! You don't have to be scared of me. I don't bite... too hard.
@SWAT, *tries to stay quiet, but knocks over something making alot of noise* Dammit!
@Metzger, oooh I heard something over here.... let's see... (sees foot sticking out from under bed). I wonder if this little foot here belongs to her. (Tickles foot)
@SWAT, *while attempting to squeeze out from under the bed, gets stuck, leaving backside & legs sticking out* Oh no! I can't move!!
@Metzger, *notices sexy legs and an ass that'll make a dude go crazy* *lifts whole bed with the strength of He-Man* Well hello there... *smiles while raising a brow*
@SWAT, I thought for sure you'd seize the oppurtunity of me stuck in that position, but whatever, nice guys finish last! *takes off running, making loud steps up the stairs*
@Metzger, I didn't want to do anything that would spoil any future chance doing unspeakable things to your body. Anyway, I love a good rabbit chase. Get back over here you little bunny! *Chases up the stairs and sees the bedroom door shut* *Approaches the door and it's unlocked.* *Steps in, and only sees room to hide in the dark, walk-in the closet.*
@Metzger, no light. I use my hands to feel my way through the closet. All clothing. Until I feel your silky smooth hair. I lightly pat and stroke the hair for a half minute. Until I grab a handful and pull it towards me. You've been a bad, bad little girl, running away from me like that. Now it's time to pay the piper.
@SWAT, then you realize you're mistaken, because you hear a noise in the bathroom. So you slowly approach it. When you enter the bathroom, you hear what sounds like the shower curtain. But before you can rip it open, I come flying towards you, ripping the curain off the rod & wrapping you up in it like a dead body. *mainiacally laughs & attempts to run out the bedroom, but the door handle is jammed, so I start pulling & hitting the door with my shoulders, but to no avail* Son of a b!tch, I'm stuck AGAIN!!
@Metzger, lets just say you felt up my RealDoll in the closet
@Metzger, Blast! Foiled by the Real Doll! But it's quite the turn-on that you have one.
Ah yes, my little pretty is locked in this bathroom. With me. Now about that debt you owe this piper... *Grabs your real hair and sniffs it.* Herbal Essence. Mmmmm, the smell of your hair is intoxicating. I gently caress your hair against my cheek. So soft. You just stand there, cowering in fright. Afraid to make a move. It is then that I notice your almost see-through lace top and beige panties...
@SWAT, It's Garnier Fructis! *slaps you across the head, & then tries the door handle again, but fails, so tries to go out the window*
@Metzger, Yyyyyes! Slap me again!
@SWAT, well since you didn't try to stop me from going out the window, you'll get your wish & I'll slap the inconsiderate right out of your head! *slaps you so hard that you get dizzy*
@Metzger, *falls to the ground, hitting my head, getting knocked out cold*
@Metzger, *dreams of miss butcher slapping me increasingly harder each time*
@SWAT, then I think to myself, "guess this guy doesn't remember what happened to him the last time he fell asleep around me"
@Metzger, *hopes she does the same thing she did last time*
@Metzger, *slowly comes to* miss butcher is still here. She didn't leave while I was out. She must want the D. *Realized I said all of that out loud.* *Gets slapped again.* * Gets a woody*
@SWAT, *looks at you angrily with my head turned to the side* WANT THE D?! *punches you in the kidney* I always want the tongue, get it right! *watches you hold your side in agony, while getting turned on at the sight of your pain*
@Metzger, *holds side in agony* THANK YOU MISS, MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?!
@SWAT, *flips you over & jabs you in the siatic nerve*
@Metzger, Oh! It hurts so bad but feels so good all at the same time! *Back hands you right I'm the face.* Some blood
@SWAT, (oops, continued) some blood trickles from your lip. It knocks you against the wall. I pin you against it with my body. I hold your hands above your head, then lick your neck.
@SWAT, am I bleeding? Is this MY blood?!
@Metzger, damn right. What you gonna do about it? You gonna hit me back? Come on baby, get me good!
@SWAT, nahh, I'm gonna go have a black-n-mild to relax & gather my thoughts
@Metzger, you think you're getting out of this so easy? Get back over here! *pulls you back over to me* *Grabs your strong butt cheeks while holding you close to me*
@SWAT, this is a back & forth convo by the way, one at a time. I'll be typing up a response & posting it, then when it refreshes, your "part two" keeps getting posted before mine & messes up the convo
@Metzger, my bad. That last one was a mistake. Anyway... let's get back to the butt cheeks.
@SWAT, nahh man, im good. No blows to the face, I don't hurt your face, you don't hurt my face, everything will be fine. Besides, this was 'sposed to be a home invasion gone wrong, not play fighting.
@Metzger, gone wrong? I don't know where you thought this was going but where I was planning, this home invasion would go very right. And I keep having to beat you because you won't keep still. Every time I look up you're running away. If you hold still, I can begin a proper treatment.
@SWAT, beat me? there's a difference between being forceful & being too rough. I was looking for someone to bust open the front door, start yelling things, & then attempt to give it to me wether I like it or not, all the while keeping the ski mask on & not much talking, just doing. Owell, we can't read eachothers' minds. There will be another time for this scenario.
@Metzger, sounds good. I was enjoying the roughness, as long as it leads to sex. But it's cool. It was fun while it lasted.
@SWAT, yep. I was just speaking from experience, because I was in this situation, but it wasn't roleplay. Long story short, I KNOW how that scenario is 'sposed to go, lol.
@Metzger, Oh I see. Sorry, I'll try to keep it to smacks at most. I'm also new to the roleplay thing, just so you know.
@SWAT, yeah, I know. I was just having a bad day, didn't mean to come off b!tchy
@Metzger, you're fine. How's your lip?
@SWAT, funny thing is, it actually is busted. lol, you hit a sore spot
@Metzger, so sorry!
@SWAT, sh*t happens
@Metzger, I'm not getting notifications today when you reply to me. You having the same issue?
@SWAT, no, I get notifications, they're just kinda slow & take a bit to show up
@Metzger, hm. Must be my phone.
@Metzger, yea, I just rest my phone and got the last three replies.
@SWAT, it's a delayed reaction, that happens to me sometimes. I blame it on the app, lol.
@Metzger, #Metzger, #SWAT
I once came close to have a threesome one night...all I needed was 2 more people. 😕
@Metzger, this hasn't become erotica yet. Yet, being the keyword here.
@Metzger, part 2 of id 984 now search the combined id. Remember I'm not finished
@I shjt you not, you've made this too complicated for me, so I'll just take your word for it
"All right, everybody but Chris keep your pants on."
By your current logic it would be a onesome not a handsome...