Never done this before, but my fiancé just left me. Could use a good joke from you guys, if you wouldn't mind.
Jeez man, I'm so sorry. I'm all out of jokes, but I can summon more funny pics users to aid you... *uses secret whistle*
@Roland Deschain, I'm not good with jokes, more so with funny life stories. Alot with my bro. So me and my bro were in jr high with a friend sneaking into the apartment complex's tiny gym to workout. Me and my friend did weights while my bro was too young and did the treadmill and he set it to max speed. He got worried and asked how to stop it, so i told him to hit the big red button that said stop. He said he could see it. Being in the middle of a set i just rolled my eyes. I don't know what possesed him but he grabbed the railing and slammed his feet down on the belt, grinding it to a halt. He eventually exclaimed "I stopped it!" Which right as he was done with that sentence i heard a blast and at light speed the room filled with dust. The treadmill had exploded. We jumped out the ground level window and ran out of there. My friend cursing alot.
@Roland Deschain, so today I was at the park and I was chatting to some cute girl and so I asked her if she wanted coffee but instead she said she doesn't drink coffee she drinks tea, but I didn't hear her say that so I ordered two coffees on accident and she got really angry so she pulled out he wang and started slapping my face with it, and I was like wtf I thought you were a woman but she said she wasn't she was actually a cat so I gave her warm milk and she calmed down a little bit. So then I took her back to my apartment but she barked to much so I was on my way to take her to the vet but my cat didn't work so I tied her up to my bumper and she pulled all the way to the next county over and at this point a was super lost so I asked some man for directions, but he said only if you eat my a$$ so I ate his ass but I ate it too much and I actually ate his a$$ too much and now I'm fully inside of his skin. What do I do?
@Roland Deschain, twice my life nearly ended at the hands of my bro by a banana. The first time he was joking and threw a banana with excess force at me and it missed but hit the wall so hard that after the first half of it exploded it stuck to the wall and perfectly appeared to be stabbed into the wall. The second time he was sick and he asked me to close the balcony door because it was cold, so as a joke i opened it more and walked away. I heard a woosh and knew enough to duck. Tgis instinct served well as he threw his banana at me from behind with such force it went over me and shattered a window. As a side note the apartment manager didn't get around to fixing the window for a year and a half
@Roland Deschain, a few years after the treadmill incident my bro got a bench press bar and some weights for Christmas (no bench) and we still shared a room so when he left the thing fully assembled on the floor all the time it took up a bunch of space. I eventually got mad and tried to blast him about it while he was gaming and i raised the thing up against the wall (i guess to tout how i wanted out of the way) and while arguing it rolled to the side and fell at the door and chopped a four inch long line through the door from the end of the barbell. I wasn't freaked about what my mother would say so much as i was glad it hadn't shattered the door.
@RMB, *ears perk up, immediately stops pooping and runs to your side with my pants around my ankles*
Reporting for duty.
@Roland Deschain, this lady who was pregnant with triplets got shot three times in the stomach. Everybody survived, the doctor said there was one bullet in each child but they'd eventually pee it out after they were born. Well, she had them and it was 2 girls and a boy. They lived perfectly average lives until puberty. Her daughters came crying to her one afternoon and said they had pee'd the bullets out and asked her why. She was in the middle of telling them the story when they all heard a gunshot and their dog yelped and ran out the front door. Her son came running in crying and they asked what had happened. He said "I don't know, mom. I was just in my room masturbating and somehow I almost shot the dog."
@Roland Deschain, I have some stupid jokes for you from my joke calender.
Dentist: let me know if I hurt you.
Patient: don't worry, I'll let everyone here know.
What do you call a red haired ninja?
Nobody knew my friend had a dental implant until it came out in a conversation.
Waiter: how did you find your steak, sir?
Customer: I looked at my plate and there it was!
Customer: this bird seed I bought won't work.
Clerk: the birds won't eat it?
Customer: what birds? I planted every one of these seeds and not a single bird sprouted.
Why were the middle ages called the dark ages?
Because there were so many knights.
@Roland Deschain, knock knock Who's there? I eat mop
@Roland Deschain, a husband and wife are waiting at a train station for the train. The man looks up and says "it's raining". His wife, with a confused look, says " no it's snowing". After arguing about this for a bit the man sees a communist officer also at the station. "Officer Rudolf" the husband started "is it raining or snowing?" To which he replies "raining, of course." Satisfied, the man turns to his wife and says "see? Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear!"
@Roland Deschain, A son and a mother are at a bistro and are ordering food the mother says "What would you like Timmy" "I WISH TO DEVOUR THE UNBORN " he'll have eggs
@Roland Deschain, I guess you would be the joke...
@Roland Deschain, what's brown and sticky? A stick
YOUR FIANCÉ! PEACE I'M OUT!
@RMB, I'm sorry, the secret whistle was changed six months ago.
@Roland Deschain, I suggest watching the asdf movies, cyanide and happiness show, and eddsworld. These are all on YouTube and are time consuming. Best of luck.
@Roland Deschain, The joke is now you happy and I'm bringing up that your fiancé left you!
How you look trying to out-comment ISYN
@Fun Facts 101, ISYN is almost the same as ISIS. Coincidence?
@Fun Facts 101, I like the acronym because everyone knows who you're talking about 👍
@sweaterpuppies, I've been thinking and I don't know anyone under that acronym. Who?
@Can yew knot, I shjt you not (:
@sweaterpuppies, 😐 I cannot believe I did not think of the most obvious user.
Spamming parry in dark souls
Well in the end one of them cuts off the others limbs.....
*turns on rave music*
*turns on the rave music *
From an Auralnauts video. The first one is called Jedi Party. Highly recommend
They both think they're winning.
Actually, I remember learning somewhere, that as far as sword techniques go, swinging the sword like they do is a sign of knowing your opponent well and actually belays a lot of trust in the person you're sparing against. Both are waiting for the right moment to strike while hesitating to break their own defenses.
Bush did 9/11
@Steve125, jet fuel doesn't melt steel beams
@dirty wallnut, it was an inside job
@dirty wallnut, illuminati
@Steve125, you are one unsuccessful troll because you're actually kinda funny