Okay guys so I met this girl on a college visit a little over a year ago and we've talked almost ever since, now I'm going to the college and she is going somewhere else only about 4 hours away and we've kind of deemed it a forbidden love. Do any of you have any advice?
@MaximumD2, Put bluntly, it will crash and burn. Even attempting to pull off a long distance relationship that has already been going is a bad idea at this stage in your life, let alone trying to start one. College is a time of great personal growth, but existing in the greyed boundaries of a long distance relationship can both limit your experiences and prevent you from establishing yourself in this new chapter of your life. I was in a relationship and tried long distance upon entering college; inevitably she ended up breaking my heart in part due to her inability to handle the months apart, which honestly no one can blame her for. So my advice to you: if you care about them then keep her as a close friend. Given time, a true, intimate friend is rare, something you want to hold onto, and attempting to try a long distance relationship could ruin your chances to do so
@MaximumD2, in the grand scheme, college is short. If there’s a connection, it’s worth exploring. Maybe it ends badly, but there’s ways to make things work, if you want them to. Even on a just friends basis, if necessary. If it won’t work, accept that. It’ll be apparent pretty quickly, and you can hopefully both move on to bigger and better things. And with relatively little fallout, because you’ll be four hours apart
@Cabbage Salesman, I was in the navy for a while and saw many shipmates' marriages/relationships fail over a deployment.
it's deplorable and no one should have to suffer that pain. it was always such a heartbreak to see (from a distance) I had nothing but contempt for someone who couldn't endure 6 months without their partner.
Sorry you got the same sort of deal, bro. it's the worst
@MaximumD2, to go off what other people are saying, there’s a time and place for long distance. After college, there’s a strong chance that it could work out if you both really really try as hard as possible. But in college, and especially just starting college, I believe there’s no place for it. I was a freshman three years ago and I watched every single person who went into college with a long distance relationship (my brother included) inevitably fail. Like @cabbagesalesman said, college is a time of personal growth, and being in a long distance relationship and trying to make it work would only limit your growth and your ability to make friends and go out and have fun. There’s no reason you need to cut ties completely. Explain to her and if she really loves you she will understand. I severed my tie a week before college and while it was painful it was the best thing I could have done and both of us are better off now than we ever would have been together. Best of luck, my dude.
@MaximumD2, if it's supposed to happen it will, but during your college experience it's good to be free to figure out what your life will be. Go visit if you get the chance, but don't get too locked down on it! 👍
@MaximumD2, I live in the UK so our perception of 4 hours may be different than other places but my gf dumped me after 6 months of being 2 hours apart because of uni because "we changed" and that was after dating for 6 year when we lived close, in your case it was long distance from the start so it might work. Psychology says that LDRs work only if there is regular meet-ups or "connections" like letters and gifts but remember, the best way to not get hurt is to have low expectations 👌
@MaximumD2, Long distance college relationship participant here. Despite what everyone's saying, it can work out, but you will have to put in a lot of work. Body language isn't a thing you can work with anymore and text response times aren't necessarily indicative of mood, so you have to communicate clearly and exactly what you're feeling. You also have to accept that you will both be busy sometimes, and you will have to realize that sometimes you have to give up something you want to do so you can spend some quality time with each other in your limited coinciding free time. Set a day or two a week where you do something with her. Watch a movie, a tv show, play a game or something to connect and talk about your respective weeks. Make plans a few times a semester to meet in person and do something nice, even if that just means a calm night in. It'll be hard, sometimes even obtrusive, but if you really want to make it work you can do it.
@MaximumD2, well were y'all together, or friends. If you never had sex and aren't the "wait till marriage" type, I wouldn't count on it working out no offense.
@MaximumD2, my two cents: if the relationship didn’t start out with quality time and experiences/adventures/memory making, then it might be more difficult to sustain a relationship.
It’s not doomed from the beginning like some folks might say. But I’ve been in a steady long distance ship for over 3 years and never had fear of separation.
@FrankNStein, this guy gets it 💪🏼
@MaximumD2, yes, try websites or forums that specialize in this instead of a funny pictures app.
@MaximumD2, 4-hours away? That’s like next door in Texas!
@MaximumD2, I know it’s not the advice you want, but to be safe I would stay away. I tried it with my ex, damn near drove me to suicide, no joke. Obviously we were an extreme case, but the pain was a lot worse than the comfort of sort of having someone
@MaximumD2, my boyfriend and i have been together for 5 and a half years now. Almost all of the first 2 tears were long distance since he went to Texas Tech and i went to A&M (7hrs apart) we are still together because we made it work. Sometimes it was really rough, and i second guessed my decision to stay together several times, but if you both want it to work out it can be done, we made it work. Its not impossible. Its hard and a lot of work but so is a lot of stuff in life. 4 hrs is a weekend drive or you could meet halfway and stay in a hotel for a night ir whayever. But if you both want it dont give it up because you think its impossible. My boyfriend (hopefully soon to be fiance) and i are proof of that. However if you dont love the girl or arent willing to both put in effort for it may not be the right thing to keep it going long distance.
@Cabbage Salesman, not necessarily, a lot of my friends are in long distance relationships in college rn and they've been at it a while. Seem to be working out for them
@Prince super Vegeta , I had the same; thing is upon reaching the end of sophomore year in college, those who maintained their long terms relationships all saw them fall apart. That’s not even counting the ones that crumbled much sooner. By that point, they missed out on a lot of what makes a college experience
@Cabbage Salesman, heh, my friends (a few) started freshman year, some in high school. It's almost the end of senior year now and they're still good it seems. At least I didn't have a long distance relationship...
...Or one of any kind.
*throws head through wall*
@MaximumD2, My wife and I were 3 1/2 hours apart until the day we got married. So yes, people can make it work if it's a relationship worth having.