Texted friends 5 minutes ago with no reply yet:
They hate me now.
@Idiot, Waitress smiles at me and maintains eye contact
She wants the D.
*gets in locked car* *checks back seat for murder*
open immediately open..... I hate redundancies.
@mothergoosexxx, I too also hate redundancies as well.
@5hadow8lade, I'm stifling my fit of anger. 😢
I relate too much to this
A spider moves an inch: OMG it's on my face get it off!!!
Why avoid mirrors??
@Mirrors Edge, so you don't accidentally make eye contact with the demon standing over your shoulder of course.
"Open immediately open"
As a pilot I can confirm the only thing you should ever worry about is feeling weightless for more than a second that means your nose is pointed down and it can be hard to pull up after a certain point, everything else (turbulence and engine failure) are things pilots are trained to handle
When I wake up in the middle of the night to go pee, I see myself in the mirror and think, "Wow! Who's that sexy beast? Oh its just me.." *faps vigorously*
@Lemmiwinks Kilmister, *flaps
@Scaly man fish, Your username. I applaud you, good sir.
Sees a storm coming while on a boat. "Well Lord, here I come."
So why are you avoiding the mirrors? Are the demons in them at night or something?
This is me in every way
I don't think most people concludes there are zombies in any situation...
This describes me so well.. I might have been a rodent in a former life
Oh good, the first one is a common thing. I thought I was crazy for being paranoid that I'd look into one and something would be standing behind me. Rear view car mirrors at night, terrifying
Story of my life, except the pew thing. I don't get that one.