Funnyism

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archiethesailor 319743 points

archiethesailor

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STORY TIME. I was born with a twin sister, but we were separated at birth. We grew up world's apart. I was poor, she was wealthy. She grew up into a petty brunette who could get any man she wanted while in a bikini. Anyways, I got a message from her one day, our dad was being a real creep to her. Destroying things she loved, locking her up, heavy breathing, etc. She needed help stopping him... so I blew up his deathstar. on Funny Pics (Upvotes: 202)
Story time, it's a long one. My first year of college was pretty boring, so to make my second more entertaining, my roommate and I got a five foot long albino anaconda and a large tank to hold it. He was kind of weird, so the first time we fed it, he decided it'd be a good idea to wrap the mouse up in bread. He did so and tossed it in, and the snake ate it. That became a thing we did whenever we fed it, it got to the point where it would only eat if the mouse was wrapped in bread. We had it for the next couple of years, and when I moved out, I got to take it with me. I got a girlfriend a while later, she was cool and actually liked snakes. So the first time I took her to my home, she asked if she could feed it. Of course I let her, she took a mouse and tossed it in, and my snake didn't make a move for it. She was pretty disappointed and asked me if I had already fed it. I looked her in the eyes and said " my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun". on Funny Pics (Upvotes: 197)
So, my wife picked up my daughter from her friend's house earlier. She was there for a birthday party and kind of late, so we sent her to bed right after dinner. At some point, while I was watching TV, she tugged on my shirt sleeve and said "Daddy." I turned and asked her what she wanted. She said "it's my birthday next month, guess how old I'm going to be." I say "I don't know, how old?" She smiled and held up four fingers. My wife and I don't know where she got them and she refuses to tell us. Anyone have any advice? on Funny Pics (Upvotes: 105)
@Kylo Ren, Neither is what you did. on Funny Pics (Upvotes: 97)
How can you not believe in God when things like this exist? on Funny Pics (Upvotes: 96)

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