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daily joke

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A maid asks for a raise. The lady of the house asks, "Why do you think you deserve one?" The maid answers, "I have three points. First, I iron better than you." The boss asks, "Who says?" "Your husband. Second, I cook better than you." The boss asks, "Who says?" “Your husband. Lastly, I am a better lover than you." Angry, the lady of the house questions, "Who said that?" The maid replies, "The gardener." "How much more would you like?" asks the boss. on Hide and seek (Upvotes: 89)
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions", he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go." on Funny Pics (Upvotes: 80)
So statistically traps are best due to the most checks but in all honestly we all know the best answer is "ravioli ravioli I just creampied the dragon loli" on oh (Upvotes: 72)
The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing. He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church. During mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up. "No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up. "No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" Half the women stood up. "No, no!" he said. "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?" Sixteen altar boys, two priests. and a goat stood up. The priest fainted. on Millennials (Upvotes: 68)
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." �The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.  The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription." on Funny Pics (Upvotes: 109)

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