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daily joke

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A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions", he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go." on Funny Pics (Upvotes: 80)
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." �The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.  The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription." on Funny Pics (Upvotes: 109)
no wonder the hospitals have such high mortality rates they're using defibrillators instead of irons on Lego death (Upvotes: 63)
A woman noticed that her dog could hardly hear, so she took him to the vet. The vet found that the problem was hair in its ears. After cleaning both ears and making sure the dog could hear the vet suggested buying some ‘Nair’ hair remover and rubbing it in the dog’s ears every three months. On the way home she stops at the pharmacy to buy Nair. At the register, the pharmacist says, “If you’re going to use this under your arms, don’t use deodorant for a few days. The woman says, “I’m not using it under my arms." Again the pharmacist says, “If you’re using it on your legs, don’t shave for a couple of days." The woman is getting a little disturbed by the warnings and says, "I’m not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I’m using it on my Schnauzer." The helpful pharmacist says, "In that case, stay off your bicycle for a week." on Funny Pics (Upvotes: 92)
"Stop laughing mom. 3 inches isnt that small" "no honey i'm laughing because you're bigger than your father" "dang it martha our daughter doesnt need to know that" on Surprise entry (Upvotes: 52)

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